Jump In

There are some fears that do not leave just because we grow up.

Some fears follow us from childhood into adulthood, not in a way that our peers and colleagues know what it is. It just sits in the back of our mind quietly lurking to rub the anxious button we've grown to hide as an adult. It sits in the background of our decision-making. It shows up when we are asked to go deeper than we wanted to go, farther than we feel comfortable going, or into places where we cannot see the bottom.

For me, it was deep water.

Lakes, oceans, rivers, anything dark and endless beneath me made me uneasy. Pools were different. Daylight helped. If I could see through the water, I could breathe a little easier. But the deep? The dark? The unseen? That was different. It's not that I couldn't swim, it was the unknown.

As a child, my dad would take me out into the ocean. I would hang tightly around his neck while he carried me farther than I wanted to go. To be frank, I quite hated it, but I went because I trusted my dad enough to hold on.

Then one day, as a preteen, one of his friends said something like, “Just throw her in. That’ll fix her.” My dad wasn't around to even say yes or no to this suggestion.

And so my dads friend, did it. He picked me up and threw me in the lake.

Oh, I hated that too, but I swam to the dock. I made it.

And you know what? That moment did not make me love deep water. It also did not erase my fear of the unseen. It didn't even turn me into someone who suddenly craved the ocean, lakes, or rivers.

But it did prove something to me.

I. Could. Make. It. Through. It.

And maybe that is why, even now as an adult, when life asks me to do something I know I need to do, even if I am scared and nervous, even if I know I will not enjoy the beginning of it, something in me remembers....

Jump in. You know how to make it through.

But what was that? Instinct or something deeper? Get it? See what I did there? Ha.

Anyway, in thinking about that particular moment in my childhood, it reminded me that Peter may have also understood that feeling.

This story is mentioned often but because it holds so much depth. Again Ha!

In Matthew 14, the disciples were out on the sea at night. The boat was being tossed by the magnificent waves, and the wind was definitely against them. Then, in the middle of the darkness, Jesus came walking toward them on the water.

In the midst of it all they were afraid and who could blame them?

It was dark, deep and the water was moving. The storm was real big and what they saw in the middle of it all didn't even make any sense.

But Jesus said, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.”
Matthew 14:27, NKJV

Can you image? In the middle of panic, you've got that one person that's like; "Oh yay, this is awesome, not a big deal at all!" Sometimes those people get a bad wrap and most think I'm personally like that, and I am but it was a learned behavior. Let's talk about how..

Back to the story. S then Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”
Matthew 14:28, NKJV

And Jesus said one word.

“Come.”

That was it.

Not a full explanation. He didn't hand him directions or a process manual. He didn't even promise that the wind would stop before Peter’s feet touched the water.

He just said, “Come.” So Peter stepped out.

I think we sometimes read that story and focus only on the part where Peter began to sink. But before he sank, Peter did something none of the others did.

He got out of the boat. He acted.

He stepped onto the very thing that should have swallowed him.

He moved toward Jesus across the surface of what Peter could not control himself.

Did he feel fearless? Probably not.

Did he understand how it would work? I highly doubt it.

Did the water suddenly become less deep? Nope

Did the storm instantly disappear? Not at all.

But Jesus was there. And sometimes that is the whole lesson. Wait, what's the lesson you ask? 

Faith. Faith does not always mean the water stops looking scary. Sometimes faith means we step out because Jesus said come.

This particular childhood story of mine reminds me of Peter because the fear was not magically removed. The water still felt like water. The deep still tried to swallow me for a second and the unseen was still just as unseen as before my body hit the water.

But I learned that fear did not get the final word.

I learned that being afraid and being able are not opposites of one another. They coincide.

I learned that you could be uncomfortable and still move.

I also learned that you could really dislike the water and still have the heart swim to the dock.

And in a way, that is what faith often looks like.

It's not perfect, easy or even calm in the beginning.

Sometimes faith looks like trembling hands holding tightly to your Father’s neck as you swim out into the deep.

It may look like being carried farther than you wanted to go.

And sometimes it might look like being pushed into something you did not choose, only to discover you could in fact accomplish hard things.

It even looks like stepping out of the boat while the wind is still screaming.

And sometimes, yes, it even looks like sinking a little and crying out, “Lord, save me!”

But here is the beautiful part.

The Bible says in verse 31, “And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him.”
Matthew 14:31, NKJV

Immediately.

Not after Peter figured it out or after Peter proved he had perfect faith.

Not even after Peter stopped being afraid.

Immediately.

Jesus just... caught him.

That is the part we need to remember when we are standing at the edge of something scary.

When you're standing on the edge of;

The business decision.
The hard conversation.
Your calling.
An unexpected transition.
The new beginning.
Or the thing we know we need to do, but do not necessarily feel we're ready to do.

In life we don't end up jumping because we are fearless.

We jump because we know who is with us.

Faith allows us to see that the deep waters are not deeper than God’s reach and that the unseen is not unseen to Him.

And eventually we will continue to jump because we know we have made it before, and more importantly, because He has never failed to meet us there.

You may never love the deep water or whatever your "deep water" is.

You may never enjoy the dark places where you cannot see the bottom. 

But maybe the goal was never to love the water or the thing we fear.

Maybe the goal was to learn that the water does not get to rule you.

We learn that fear can be present, but it does not have to be in charge.

Maybe the actual goal was to learn that when God calls you forward, you do not need to see the bottom.

You just need to see Him.

So when the next hard thing comes, when your heart pounds and your mind starts listing every reason to stay in the boat, remember the little girl who clung to her father’s neck.

Remember the preteen who got thrown in and still made it to the dock.

Remember Peter, who stepped onto the deep because Jesus said come.

And remember these 3 things:

1. You do not have to like the water to survive it.

2. You do not have to feel brave to obey.

3. You do not have to see the bottom to trust the One who holds the sea.

Sometimes you just have to jump in anyway.

Prayer

Lord,
When You call me into deep places, help me remember that You are already there. Teach me not to wait until I feel fearless before I obey. Remind me that fear does not mean failure, and uncertainty does not mean You are absent. Give me the courage to step out when You say come, and when I feel like I am sinking, help me reach for Your hand. Thank You for being stronger than the waves, closer than the storm, and faithful in every unseen place.